The sky was lit, ablaze by the morning light.
And yet, rain came falling down, one droplet heavier than the next.
It rained.
Special, nothing was.
Normal everyday life, everything was.

I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am pathetic, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I have failed you, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am unworthy, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am not good enough, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am hopeless, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I see no future, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am a disappointment, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I'll always be second best, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I am invisible, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, almost non-existent, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, I need your love, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless,Where are you, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, Can't you see me, I am useless, I am useless, I am useless, Help me.
Father, please refill me with your holy spirit. I can't seem to divert my attention away from my imperfections. My faith is draining, my hope is scarce and my future is vague. Lord, please show me a future. A future with you, overflowing and abundant of your love. Father, I am unworthy of my perfect family. Yet, I want and need to thank you for blessing me with many things that I certainly don't deserve. Lord, thank you for loving me for my imperfections and failures. My flaws and my inadequacies. Thank you, Lord
Thursday, August 27, 2009

It was like that moment was slowed down just to emphasize my mistake, the seriousness of it all. Heard it, saw it, felt it go crashing to the ground. To make things worse, everything went flying in all directions as I felt my heart sink to the depths of my gut. My phone died. And i'm in a dilemma as to what phone I should get next when they all are so inapt.
Monday, August 24, 2009

Oh bummer, I terribly miss ryc! This dumb ryc withdrawal symptom isn't gonna leave me for the next few days and that really sucks sheet. Wellios, RYC has been a really great experience for me and I've learnt to kick the urging habbit of stereotism and being judgemental (although it's a kinda an inevitable thing for humans) First day, terrible. If you told me that I had to endure 4 hours straight of speeches and speeches and nothing else, I'd stuff myself with sugar first. So during the reception, I really went wild with Jose. Not saying what we did but it was rather amusing trying to keep on the look-out while choking on that disasteredly disgusting water-wannabe drink that was sercretly mixed with like what, tea leaves?! But anyway, I had some fun searching for some while running (and escaping) from other whom I dreaded so much to even lay my eyes on them (whoops.) And by the end of day one, I declared that there were only small pathetic amounts of "eye relief"s around, heh. Second day was seriously a blasttt! Amazing race really drawed us closer as Burnt Siennas! Made new friends with AhB and Vic while getting to know others from SBC like Carmen and Jar (who I met really later on). Then the campfire was like a successful blastttt
(apart from the fire's closing ceremony where she sprinkled, not extinguish.) Dar really went all out on the catwalk, Gan went on a scandal rampage with her new rumoured pet boyfriend on a leash :b I forgot my dance steps and ridiculed myself in front of him and steph and charlie and sarah and celeste and zoe and maybe just about the whole cohort (: If that wasn't bad enough, it was caught on video. How great! But I really did enjoy myself reallypreally much. Thanks ryc for making my day(s) and for the new friends who were so spontaneously entertaining!
Saturday, August 1, 2009

Oopsie daisies! It's been sucha long time since I last update though no one is seriously reading this. Ohwell, I'm feeling kinda stressed now since i'm not the least bit prepared for the commons which is a week away. And what's more is that the teachers haven't even told us on the topics tested! Like what the pong,
if you're pregnant at least get us a substitute?! And i've been feeling down in the dumps recently, like lower than the ground kind of low. I desperately need Meli or Sarah Gan or Rifah to just boost my emotions to sky high rocket pie! :D Oh Oh! Tell you something interesting. I went into the lift with the 4th floor hamsum guy again for the second time! And Figured out that he was in ACSi and that he wore lens-less specs for fun (What a loser). And for the second time, he mumbled another "thanks" and "fourth floor" again.
Ooo, what fate and destiny this is. HAHA, I don't believe myself :b Heart dissecting was kinda irksome really. Therefore, I become the self-appointed photographer! No one really did want me to touch the heart if I was gonna handle their expensive camera phones right (: Then took loads of pictures at the back of the lab with rifah, posing in our poseur act-kewl lab coats and gloves and scappels, teehee. School's like taking up a whole part of my life now, I just want family to take over.